Fair warning: This is a post that’s personal.
2023 was very, very challenging. And 2024 seems set to not make things easier.
During 2023 I went through two health related incidents that has been very tough to deal with, mentally.
During my summer vacation I had become so aware of involuntary muscle movement that I made an appointment with a medical doctor to rule out Parkinson’s disease.
At this point in my life the doctor ruled out Parkinson’s but had no other tangible alternative diagnosis. My involuntary movement, however, persists. It ranges from small to noticeable tremors in arms, small rolling imbalance while walking and twitching before/during sleep.
I also experience brain fog and difficulty to deal with keeping track of things.
During late summer I experienced a noticeable Posterior Vitreous Detachment (PVD), my largest to date. I had something similar affect me for the first time about 20 years ago but it was minor and the spot in my field of vision is small and mostly in my peripheral vision. The one I had during late summer is estimated to be 15-20x the size of my first one. It is located in my peripheral vision and generally does not affect my day to day activities.
I now have two new spots located close to my central field of vision. I have an appointment with an eye doctor to, I assume, determine the situation. I suspect these will be determined to be new PVD’s. I’m not sure what to think/feel about this, but the rate in which these have appeared have noticeably increased, which is worrying.
During fall I have had two optician examinations and two ophthalmology examinations, all of them insinuating I may have glaucoma. It’s still not determined, I’m going to be scheduled for a checkup some time this year.
I have a phenomenon/symptom that I believe is a disease called Palinopsia. The symptoms are, as far as I can explain, a severe form of negative after image. The taps and rods in the retina get exhausted at an abnormally high speed, leaving long, persistent after images. So far I haven’t been successful in convincing anyone to perform an examination or at least a consultation for this, but I intend to make a serious attempt at it this year. It’s progressively worsened each year since my 20’s (and I’m 45 now).
And lastly, I have impaired dark vision in the center of my field of view. When I’m in a pitch black/dark environment, looking at a small LED, especially a blue one, is noticeably darkened/faded in comparison to when it’s off center and more towards my peripheral vision.
I barely mention my struggles with health to anyone, and even less so to acquaintances or strangers. I have told a couple of very close people about most of my issues, but I can tell that it’s starting to take its toll, as the reception to it is slowly whittling down over time. The balance between sharing often vs. seldom is very difficult to keep. It affects everyone; me as I become depressed and others as they get ground down.
So, I tell you, the Internet, about it. Mostly in the hopes that writing about it makes me evaluate my situation a bit more sober, and that it can ease the weight off my mental shoulders. As an addition, if I can find a way to balance these kinds of posts with what I usually write, it could work as a health journal to refer to when medical staff need information.
Thank you for reading.